she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
