and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
