Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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