Will you blow on my dice?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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