There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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