My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
