her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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