The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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