tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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