I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
