i can't believe i had my finger in that
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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