Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
