question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
