Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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