What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
