dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
