i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
