I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
