Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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