y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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