if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
