So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
