sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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