remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
