i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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