trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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