You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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