in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
