you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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