someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
