Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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