Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
