So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
pop tarts are not kleenex
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
