I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
