I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
