The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
