piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
