The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The air was thick with penises
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
