Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
God, you're like boner-b-gone
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
