I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
