I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
