my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
