nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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