She is in my trunk
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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