Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
