You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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