she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
