$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
