he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
