Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
