To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
